Alcohol is the devil

I succumbed to peer pressure last night and had maybe three glasses of wine. Thats a lot less than I would normally drink on a typical Friday night work related binge but I’m certainly feeling the after effects. Woke early and have no change of going back to sleep. Of course I forgot to take my neomercazole last night too. I thought a glass of wine at the end of a long and emotional week would be just the ticket. Funny then how this mornng I just feel kind of ….blech!

The theme for the coming week is ‘tests’. My sister has more tests and is facing surgery as soon as possible to remove the suspicious lesion. My next blood test has to be taken by end of the week. And I’ve been asked to take on online test to show aptitude etc. Sort of a psych evaluation (yeah, good freakin’ luck!) as part of my job application to a big, big company.

I find that kind of bizarre and interesting all at the same time. And I really want the job. The role is great, pay and conditions are good….but best of all, it’s based less than ten minutes from my new apartment and work hours are 8.30-4.30 AND you can work from home one day a week. Sweet! Obviously being able to get a bit of that elusive work/life balance happening would only help my Grave’s recovery. Wish me luck!

The other shoe drops

I’ve been feeling better this week, a lot better. I’m still having one cup of tea in the mornings but the strong, long cappucinos are on hold. I’m not missing alcohol at all and I thought I would. Tonight I was at a work function and on the way home I thought about how much better I feel without that slightly ill, dizzy, tipsy feeling. So thats all good and I’m glad.

But now the focus goes elsewhere. I thought I was having a bad week on Saturday when the nice Japanese lady drove her car into and nearly through my passenger car door. Ok…it’s just a car and I can take the bus for a few weeks while they fix it. But yesterday my other sister confirmed her fears that the cancer she’s been battling for the past three years, is back. Shit. So despite the disfiguring surgery and the stomach churning chemo, the cancer is back. Double shit. They’re planning surgery for her late next week. More scars, but hopefully this tumour will also be self contained. And then what?

I’m still special

My sister’s blood results were all normal which is great. Regardless, I’m glad she went to get a check up and the doctor, my GP, has ordered her a bunch of general tests that are long overdue.

We girls in our thirties and older always seem to consider ourselves last don’t we?

And sleep is really important

I even slept well this past weekend and it shows. I’m going to try to be in bed by 9.30pm whenever possible. It makes all the difference.

Caffeine withdrawal is for sissies

I was dreading this part…giving up caffeine. Many years ago I attended a detox ‘retreat’ and my caffeine withdrawal was so bad I wanted to murder someone. I never did go back up to my caffeine drinking heights so this time around I’m not feeling soooo bad. Yesterday I made it through with only one weak cappucino and got a little bit headachy later in the afternoon…but survived. Today I had a cup of tea and a really weak instant coffee and didn’t miss a hot drink the afternoon. And today I probably felt better than I have in a very long time. I even made lists of tasks at work…and crossed some off. I wonder if the increased dose of carbimazole has kicked in already?

Looking forward to crossing work off but trying not to make rash / graves generated decisions. Caught up with my old boss and he helped me see a way forward and it highlighted to me how I’ve let my confidence break over this disease and trying to keep everyone else happy. I’m biding my time….

And the results are in

Somewhat upsetting as I was hoping to feel better by now. But as the heading says…at least I know I’m not crazy. Certainly it feels like it sometimes.

My T3 level hasn’t come down as expected and my medication has been increased to three a day, rather than two. The endocronologist puts this down to high levels of antithyroid antibodies in my blood, and her assumption that I’m under a lot of stress. Well thats the understatement of the millenium!

She asked me if I was feeling any better and I had to admit ‘not really’ and asked her about the joint and muscular pain especially in my left arm. She replied that yes, this is most likely related and finished with “You have an auto-immune disease.” like that should help me cope with everything. So I spent the rest of the day seconds away from tears, tears of frustration and self pity. I even got caught with a tear in my eye by my assistant but she kindly pretended she didn’t notice.

I’ve decided I need to leave my new job, maybe take a couple of weeks off and then look for some contract work…a low level of responsibility sounds good right now. Will need to chat to the folks in case I run out of cash but right now I feel like I need to prioritise feeling better. Also talking to my old bosses who in general are more sympathetic people (not perfect mind you but at least we all like each other!) and with luck this might be a short term financial solution for when I leave the other job.

Keeping everything croossed for better luck!

Hmnn….

In meetings all day today but the Doc left a message to say the test results weren’t as good as hoped for. She said she would call me tomorrow to discuss the ‘implications’ but essentially I have to maintain the higher drug dose until further notice. I’m wondering if ‘implications’ are things like quitting coffee and alcohol and hopefully winning lotto so I can quit my job?

More tomorrow I guess.

And another week goes by

Really really really stressful week at work. Issues. It may not be for me. Going to chat to a few trusted advisers over the next few days to try to get some perspective. Monday morning about 10am I was told I look tired and it was all I could do to suck back the tears.

Went for a whole week trying to find 30 minutes to go get a blood test and finally got some time on Friday lunchtime. So…await test results next couple of days.

Finding it almost impossible to sleep without help (valium) and have had some horrendous muscular pain in my left upper arm so went and got the ‘good stuff’ from the pharmacy this morning.

And…my sister emailed me to get my Dr’s number and then made an appointment so she can go get tested tomorrow. I feel good about that.

Not Ms Happy today. Hope my blood results make me happier!