2-0

Updates….

My sister is doing well post surgery and they were able to preserve her kidney although she lost her spleen and a chunk of muscle.  We’re relieved there were no nasty surprises!  Next steps are recovery and aggressive radiation therapy.  She’ll be in hospital for a couple of weeks.  But this is good under the circumstances.

My endo called this morning and I am officially ‘normal’ on all counts with a TSH just creeping in at 0.6.  I’m sure there will be many who dispute that I am in any way normal….anyway, she’s allowing me to drop down to 1 x 5mg neomercazole per day for the forseeable future.  So I guess I am officially on the maintenance track…6 months into this journey.

In the meantime, all I wanna do right now is sleep……..

Princess Perfect

I came to the realisation this past weekend that I can’t be.  Perfect that is.  It goes totally against my nature to let things slide, but if I’m to retain my sanity over the next couple of months, I’m going to have to let some things go.  Quick status update….

My sister will have surgery this week and we are hoping for no nasty surprises.

No weight loss despite dilligent exercise and adherence to diet the majority of the time…none at all.  I have to say this is pretty discouraging.  I’m trying to keep it up because despite no weight loss I am definitely stronger and have greater physical stamina just to do everyday things.  ‘Glass half full’ I guess.

Had a blood test yesterday (about 2 weeks overdue) and will get the results in a couple of days.  Hopefully my levels will be normal, including anti-bodies, and the Doctor will give me the ok to go down to 1 x 5mg neomercazole per day.  I’m crossing fingers…although my left arm and hand has been aching this week which for some reason is usually an indication of how my Graves is doing (or it might be that I’m sleeping on my left…who knows)

Waiting on a specialist appointment (2 months away) to check out why my girl’s guts are so awful right now (this situation is not new but I am definitely at the end of my rope with this one).  I’m 39 and I think I’m done with them and seeing as they are not being used have suggested I would like them out…but of course the medical folks think that makes me a bit nuts. I mean, what if I decide to have a miracle, immaculate conception baby at the overripe age of 46 despite the fact that I’ll no longer have viable eggs?  The whole thought grosses me out.  If I end up bitter and childless I’ll adopt so I have offspring to transfer my bitterness to the way every other parent transfers their issues to their children.

Really really tired the past couple of weeks.  Just can’t seem to sleep well and when I do I wake up tired.  my doctor is only somewhat sympathetic and is suggesting hypnotherapy rather than begrudgingly prescribed drugs which I have to ration for important days where I REALLY need sleep…I mean, really?!  Really?!

Ok…off to see my poor, long suffering trainer who I think doesn’t want me in his ’stats’ because I’m making his trend line point the wrong way.  Blah blah blah…another day in paradise!

Will update later this week on my sister’s status post surgery and also my blood results.

Six months since diagnosis.  Probably 2 years since becoming symptomatic.  Time flies…!

Need to keep moving forward

I’m working from home today.  Or trying to.  The weather is grey and so is my mood.  I don’t really give a flying fick about my looming deadlines.  It’s just occurred to me that I’ve forgotten (again) to take my neomercazole so I’ll do that now.  Still on 2 x 5mg per day.  I’ve got a little bit of pain in my hands and I can feel the racing pulse in my carotid as I sit here, which might be real or might be psychosomatic at this point.  I can’t really tell anymore.  I’m due for a blood test towards the end of next week and this time the focus will be on those pesky little antibodies.  Hopefully, they are being kept at bay.

Despite my new found energy (today doesn’t count) and my exercise regimen and watching my nutrition, I haven’t lost any weight at all.  I feel like a big lumpy lump.  My arms and thighs are especially fleshy which I guess is because these are large muscles that have lost the most tone.  I’m the Pillsbury Dough Girl.  I also feel excessively hormonal…bloated, twingy pain, CRANKY.  Lucky I am able to avoid other humans when I have to.

Now I know things aren’t has bad for me as for many other people (especially people close to me) but I have to let the self pity and whining out here…no one wants to see that or hear that in the real (non cyber) world.  I would open a bottle of wine for myself if the neomercazole hadn’t taken away that pleasure ( I feel ‘off’ long before I feel drunk).  People tell me to meditate but I have tried a millions times and I CANNOT.  It just makes me more, not less stressed because my mind doesn’t work that way.  I tried anti-depressants for a while but they gave me excruciating headaches.  I’d love to be one of those super laid back, take it as it comes types…but then I wouldn’t fit the Graves profile.

I suppose Graves is a journey of up and down days.  This is one of the down days.  I can’t really share how I’m feeling with anyone at the moment…my family has got bigger problems right now!  And I’ve deliberately kept my condition a secret from my new workplace…don’t want to be (again) the ‘new girl with the issues’.

Ho bloody hum, right?
Ok…back to the real world.

Not good

My sister’s cancer is back again.  Confirmed today.  So much for the ‘fluid’ theory.  They ‘believe’ it’s operable.  She’ll probably lose a kidney and her spleen.  I don’t know what else to say except FUCK!