…and breathe!

So there’s every chance this whole cancer ‘thing’ will be a little blip and then back to normal (as normal as I’ll ever get anyhow!).  Having seen the surgeon today I’m reassured by how routine this all is for him.   He has no doubts it can be removed, contained…and I can get on with my life.  Of course, thats not to say the next few months aren’t going to be difficult (and surgery in approximately 2 weeks time then radiotherapy).  My sister reminded me we are strong people and have faced bigger difficulties before.

Too tired to say more now but no doubt will have more to say later!

And so this is cancer

The lump is bad.  How bad I’m not sure but carcinoma is seen in the cells taken by the biopsy.  My GP is letting my ‘team’ know i.e. my endocrinologist, my gynaecologist…they’re all on hold until I see some other ‘ologists’ tomorrow and over the next few days.  She expects I’ll be scheduled for surgery within a week or so. 

Not sure how to feel about this yet.  I know it’s highly treatable so I’m not so concerned about that.  I’m a little frightened of some of the treatments themselves as unfortunately I already know too much about cancer.  It’s ridiculous to ask ‘why me’ because…why not me?

Seriously though…..WTF?????

And so this is Christmas?

There are things that happen that I don’t write about here.  Probably because once things are out there in the blogosphere, they live forever and you can’t take them back.  And writing things down of course makes things ‘real’….written evidence of your thoughts and actions.

This is a blog about my journey with Graves Disease…and it’s been an eventful few months.  ‘Few years’ really because of course the disease began long, long before diagnosis came.  Unfotunately there’s been a lot of illness in my family this year and a lot of issues to deal with. My sister’s cancer, my dad’s emergency heart tests (not written about here), the deaths of my grandmother and great aunt (also not written about here), my work problems…many other things I could mention.  It’s been a long hard year and I’ve been looking forward to finishing it out and getting on with a new life in 2009, hopefully (upcoming January blood test permitting), in full remission from Graves.

Of course, nothing is ever that simple; life is complicated.

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a hard, painless lump on the underside of my right breast.  Yesterday I had a biposy but because of the Christmas break the pathology won’t be back for a few more days.  I also had a mammogram and an ultrasound after which the Head of Radiology came to speak with me.  “I’m not optimistic about the outcome of the pathology based on the pictures we’re seeing”.   There’s been a flurry of phone calls from doctors and specialists.  In anticipation of a ”bad” pathology I’m scheduled to see a breast surgeon next week. 

It’s weird.  Having watched my sister go through cancer (a very different kind of cancer), I often wondered how I would cope if it came my way.  There’s still a chance the pathology will come back ‘benign’ but my doctor wants me to be prepared in case that doesn’t happen.  I feel quite calm actually.  My first instinct is to reassure the people around me.  If it is cancer, I know I’ll have to give up control for a while…the most difficult thing for me to do.  I’ll have to do what I’m told to do by people who know better than me.  I’m under no illusions about cancer treatments and how ‘fun’ they can be…my sister is in the middle of radiotherapy right now so I’m sure I won’t always be this accepting.

Ah well.  There’s Christmas to get through first…and the worst may not happen so I’m going to have a glass of champagne and not worry about things outside of my control.  Until next week anyway.  ;->

Wish me luck. 

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all.

R xo

Graves takes all the fun out of being an alcoholic

People have asked me….’Can you drink alcohol while taking neomercazole (carbimazole)?’

As far as I know, the answer is ‘yes’. Is it as much fun? As far as my experience goes, the answer is ‘no’. For some reason, ever since I’ve been medicated for Graves, I just can’t push the alcohol boat out as far as I used to. After 2 or 3 drinks I’m just ‘done’. Not drunk, just not interested in drinking. It’s like my brain turns off from the experience or maybe my body doesn’t want to process it.

I’m sure some people are horrified that I might want to drink more in a way that sounds irresponsible (by the way kids, drink responsibly!)…do I sound like an alcoholic? Well I definitely inherited the family gene for overindulgence which in some previous generations has manifested itself as alcohol abuse. I used to have a cast iron liver and work in an industry where drinking is part of your career progression plan! My family are all ‘party people’.

But these days I’m the one sitting there at 11pm, tapping her toe and looking at her watch. In fact that was me last night. It’s the morning after my office Christmas party and I’m the only one around here not sick or in self-inflicted pain. Thats good I suppose…but it begs a more fundamental question. Has Graves made me boring?

I knew Oprah and I were alot alike!

So all over the news and magazines today is Oprah’s story about her thyroid problems and subsequent weight gain.  The link is below.

It’s bad enough for us mere mortals to get on with things when we’re not looking our best (I’m currently avoiding a request for a headshot to accompany an article where I am quoted, purely for vanity reasons),  but as probably the world’s most famous dieter, it must be especially difficult to stand up and say “How could I let this happen?”.  But I think even Oprah should understand that it wasn’t she that failed.  Our thyroids have failed us.  There shouldn’t be guilt involved.  There isn’t (as far as I know) anything we can actively do to avoid either being hyper or hypo (I’m assuming iodine intake is not a factor).  As she rightly says in the article (and I’m paraphrasing here), who knew this little gland had so much power?

For myself, I’m pleased that Oprah has some out publicly to discuss her situation because now I can say “….kinda like Oprah” and maybe then people won’t look at me with one eyebrow raised as if I’m making excuses or making it up.  Of course I’ll be following her story closely to see what tips, if any, I can pick up in order to make my own journey through this a little easier.