And so this is Christmas?

There are things that happen that I don’t write about here.  Probably because once things are out there in the blogosphere, they live forever and you can’t take them back.  And writing things down of course makes things ‘real’….written evidence of your thoughts and actions.

This is a blog about my journey with Graves Disease…and it’s been an eventful few months.  ‘Few years’ really because of course the disease began long, long before diagnosis came.  Unfotunately there’s been a lot of illness in my family this year and a lot of issues to deal with. My sister’s cancer, my dad’s emergency heart tests (not written about here), the deaths of my grandmother and great aunt (also not written about here), my work problems…many other things I could mention.  It’s been a long hard year and I’ve been looking forward to finishing it out and getting on with a new life in 2009, hopefully (upcoming January blood test permitting), in full remission from Graves.

Of course, nothing is ever that simple; life is complicated.

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a hard, painless lump on the underside of my right breast.  Yesterday I had a biposy but because of the Christmas break the pathology won’t be back for a few more days.  I also had a mammogram and an ultrasound after which the Head of Radiology came to speak with me.  “I’m not optimistic about the outcome of the pathology based on the pictures we’re seeing”.   There’s been a flurry of phone calls from doctors and specialists.  In anticipation of a ”bad” pathology I’m scheduled to see a breast surgeon next week. 

It’s weird.  Having watched my sister go through cancer (a very different kind of cancer), I often wondered how I would cope if it came my way.  There’s still a chance the pathology will come back ‘benign’ but my doctor wants me to be prepared in case that doesn’t happen.  I feel quite calm actually.  My first instinct is to reassure the people around me.  If it is cancer, I know I’ll have to give up control for a while…the most difficult thing for me to do.  I’ll have to do what I’m told to do by people who know better than me.  I’m under no illusions about cancer treatments and how ‘fun’ they can be…my sister is in the middle of radiotherapy right now so I’m sure I won’t always be this accepting.

Ah well.  There’s Christmas to get through first…and the worst may not happen so I’m going to have a glass of champagne and not worry about things outside of my control.  Until next week anyway.  ;->

Wish me luck. 

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all.

R xo