Another year older and hopefully a little bit wiser

So here I am finishing off my birthday weekend.  Even though I started my new fitness and eating plan this week, I did negotiate with my trainer to have this first weekend off.  Yes I’ve eaten too much, drunk too much…and generally feel like a blob…an older blob.  Anyway, there is always tomorrow.

I’m reminded of my birthday last year when my then boyfriend took me to a beautiful little French restaurant.  He brought flowers and we drank champagne.  It really was the most perfect ‘date’ I ever had.

Things went wrong between us not too long after that.  We had some stupid fights that didn’t seem to have either a beginning or an end and I felt him little by little pulling away from the relationship.  He’d come from a quiet, polite family who don’t express themselves, so he really hated any kind of conflict.  But even up until the last moments he swore everything was ok, but when it came down to it, things couldn’t be saved and we went from romantic nights at the little French bistro, to not being able to be in the same room together, in a matter of weeks if not days.

Now I don’t think that Graves was what finished us off as there were plenty of other mitigating factors, but I certainly know it contributed.  Of course at the time we had no idea.  I definitely was having bad headaches, trouble sleeping and what we thought was a lot of anxiety.  My friends kept telling me to dump him because obviously the relationship was causing that…or so it seemed.  The week we split up was when the doctor prescribed anxiety medication for me….seemed like a reasonable assumption that I’d be anxious in those circumstances.  It didn’t occur to her or to me, to test my thyroid.

In some ways I’m glad he wasn’t around then because my symptoms certainly got worse before they got better and at the end of the day, I don’t think he had the stamina or the understanding to help me through the cranky days (weeks?) and the frustration.  It was almost better I think to be alone so neither did I have to consider him (selfish?  yes I guess so).  We don’t even talk any more.

So this birthday I’m very, very single.  Of course I’ve got great friends and a wonderful family but sometimes it would be nice to have a stronger set of arms around the house…I can think of all sorts of uses (jam jars, lawn trimming…).

Anyway…I guess the one thing I’ve learned after this year is to never take your health for granted.  At the end of the day, it really is all you’ve got.

DIY Graves treatment?

I wonder about those people who say they’ve ‘cured’ themselves of Graves without any kind of medical or surgical intervention. What do they know that I don’t? Does anyone know?

As I understand it, there is no ‘cure’ for Graves, only treatment and hopefully, remission. I know I can help myself by being careful about things like diet (limit iodine and stimulants) and stress. But I also know that if I’d waited for those things to work, and eschewed medication I’d be in a bad bad way by now. If I was still here at all!

By the time my Graves was diagnosed I’d obviously had it for some time and was ‘highly symptomatic’, even more than my blood work would suggest. My anxiety levels were ruining my life – relationships were difficult, work was a horror. The pain in my muscles (especially my arms and my hands) was indescribable. And of course the heart palpitations were really scary. And I almost never slept. I just can’t imagine wanting to self-treat under those circumstances. Of course when I was diagnosed I read everything I could find on the implications of treatment and not being treated. My conclusion? Bring on the meds for me!

I think the greatest challenge for me in the next couple of months is going to be maintaining a healthier, less stressful lifestyle. It’d be easy to fall back into the trap of being Superwoman again, while I’m feeling so much better.

My new mantra (repeat after me)…”Good enough is ok most of the time.”

“Go home on time” is my other new philosophy.

And so to bed.