Ugh!

So yes it’s been a while since I posted.  Lots going on…work, family, health.  Where do I begin?

I had an early dinner (drunch?  linner?) with friends tonight and it took every piece of energy I could muster to get dressed and get over there.  It was a laugh or two so I’m glad I went but I am finding it extraordinarily hard to be motivated to do nearly anything….writing this post included!

Still ‘maintaining’ on neomercazole.  Some days I imagine I am feeling “Graves-y” (sore hands, heart flips, anxiety, insomnia) but I push this to the back of my mind because the pathology doesn’t support that.  And without medical evidence it doesn’t exist right? 

Next week I’m heading to (yet another) gyneacologist who specialises in endometriosis.  I have all the symptoms and have had them for years.  Lots of terrible pain, bloating, nausea and the list goes on.  At least two weeks out of every four since I was 11.  However…past laparoscopies and examinations have found…absolutely nothing.  My doctors think this is a good thing.  Personally, I would like them to find something to treat and then maybe I could get on with my life!  They’ve already suggested another surgery and I’m keen to impress on them that if they open me up and DON’T find anything, wake me up and tell me to go home because I ‘don’t need any treatment’ I swear I will punch the doctor in the nose!  Ok that makes me sound like I might have Munchausens or something but my point here is that if you listen to your body, you KNOW when something isn’t right and it’s OUR job to make sure we get the proper care regardless of what the so called experts say!

It occurs to me of course that this issue is not unlike the journey of the Graves sufferer.  Most of us are not diagnosed until we present with several complaints.  For me it was at least 5 separate doctor’s visits before she agreed to test my thryoid  and only then at my insistence (her rationale for not doing so being that it had been normal 12 months previously…in fact the historical evidence is that it was ramping up dramatically over the previous 3 years).

Other updates…

No weight loss but in fairness I am not being strict about my diet.  I am still exercising and gaining strength.

My sister begins a 5 week cycle of radiotherapy tomorrow which she and everyone knows is largely a “buying time” strategy but you have to don’t you?

And I need to take better care of myself!   My mission for the week is to book a massage and a pedicure!

How is it that the start of this year went by so fast and in the last month it is going…….by…….so………damn……….slowly?

The only symptom worth getting and I didn’t get it

I’m talking about ‘unexplained weight loss’.  And I’m only being slightly facetious.

Instead, I’ve had weight gain.  40lbs of it.   And the explanation is pretty clear.  I’ve been eating as if it were an Olympic sport and I’m the gold medal hope of a nation.  And not just eating, but eating food I previously didn’t consider to be actual food.  Like frozen crumbed chicken (not eaten until 30+ minutes in the oven of course…I’m not that pathetic!) or muffins (which I could never understand as a breakfast food…it’s cake people!).  The sorts of things I would previously have avoided like anything.  And it’s not that I don’t understand nutrition.  In fact I’ve studied physiology and nutrition at College so I’m hardly ignorant about the composition of food.  The endocrinologist did say that with treatment hopefully my appetite would normalise.  I’m just not sure she understands how committed I’ve been to abnormalising that part of my lifestyle and how hard it’s going to be to bring it under control!

When I was given the Graves diagnosis (made all the more complicated by the fact that I was stacking on, not taking off, weight) I think I subconsciously took that as the OK to start shovelling all manner of crap into my mouth.  If I’m sick anyway, and I can’t control it, why bother looking after myself?  And exercise?  Well that wasn’t realistic given the muscular pain, the shortness of breath, the palpitations.  And so I ate, and didn’t move and a few months later I’m bursting out of my clothes whilst people look at me with one eyebrow dubiously raised as I say “No really, my thryoid is too fast”.

I went to a family funeral last month and saw some relatives I haven’t seen in years.  Some may remember that one of my sisters has cancer.  Physically, she’s doing well (mentally has up and down days) and looks pretty good, or at least a lot better than someone with her troubles should look.  We nearly pee’d our pants laughing when we realised everyone at the funeral would be looking at the two of us and muttering “She doesn’t look like she’s got cancer.  And the other one…look at how fat she is….she can’t possibly be hyperthyroid.”  Gotta laugh I suppose.

As of yesterday I’ve committed to the next few months with a personal trainer.  I’ll see her three times a week (2 x light cardio, 1 x weights plus ‘homework’) and she’ll monitor my food intake.  At regular intervals we’ll assess progress.  Even if I don’t lose stacks of weight, hopefully I can regain strength (last night, 5 girlie push ups were all I could manage and this is after years of being able to give 20 or 50 man style push ups no problem) and motivation to have better general health.  I want to turn that heavy ‘blech’ feeling into ‘feeling pretty good’.

My trainer is a petite blond (aren’t they all) with a perky disposition (hey, you can do it!) and she’s so used to pep talking that even her normal conversation sounds like yelling.  I’ve told her about the Graves, told her I’ll complain and moan all the way, but to ignore me for the most part and keep me on the straight and narrow.  It’s not a cheap commitment and I know I’m lucky I can afford this little kickstart.  I see this as an investment into a better future hence why I can justify the expense.

I called my friend about the ‘contest’ and told him I wasn’t weighing in this week (he answered “Oh thank god!  I’ve been a pig!”) but told him about my new commitment.  In order to win a $150 voucher I’m going to spend much, much more than that.  He completely misunderestimates just how competitive I can be!

Has anyone else stacked on the lbs and kgs with Graves?  How did you handle it?

R xo