I knew Oprah and I were alot alike!

So all over the news and magazines today is Oprah’s story about her thyroid problems and subsequent weight gain.  The link is below.

It’s bad enough for us mere mortals to get on with things when we’re not looking our best (I’m currently avoiding a request for a headshot to accompany an article where I am quoted, purely for vanity reasons),  but as probably the world’s most famous dieter, it must be especially difficult to stand up and say “How could I let this happen?”.  But I think even Oprah should understand that it wasn’t she that failed.  Our thyroids have failed us.  There shouldn’t be guilt involved.  There isn’t (as far as I know) anything we can actively do to avoid either being hyper or hypo (I’m assuming iodine intake is not a factor).  As she rightly says in the article (and I’m paraphrasing here), who knew this little gland had so much power?

For myself, I’m pleased that Oprah has some out publicly to discuss her situation because now I can say “….kinda like Oprah” and maybe then people won’t look at me with one eyebrow raised as if I’m making excuses or making it up.  Of course I’ll be following her story closely to see what tips, if any, I can pick up in order to make my own journey through this a little easier.

Princess Perfect

I came to the realisation this past weekend that I can’t be.  Perfect that is.  It goes totally against my nature to let things slide, but if I’m to retain my sanity over the next couple of months, I’m going to have to let some things go.  Quick status update….

My sister will have surgery this week and we are hoping for no nasty surprises.

No weight loss despite dilligent exercise and adherence to diet the majority of the time…none at all.  I have to say this is pretty discouraging.  I’m trying to keep it up because despite no weight loss I am definitely stronger and have greater physical stamina just to do everyday things.  ‘Glass half full’ I guess.

Had a blood test yesterday (about 2 weeks overdue) and will get the results in a couple of days.  Hopefully my levels will be normal, including anti-bodies, and the Doctor will give me the ok to go down to 1 x 5mg neomercazole per day.  I’m crossing fingers…although my left arm and hand has been aching this week which for some reason is usually an indication of how my Graves is doing (or it might be that I’m sleeping on my left…who knows)

Waiting on a specialist appointment (2 months away) to check out why my girl’s guts are so awful right now (this situation is not new but I am definitely at the end of my rope with this one).  I’m 39 and I think I’m done with them and seeing as they are not being used have suggested I would like them out…but of course the medical folks think that makes me a bit nuts. I mean, what if I decide to have a miracle, immaculate conception baby at the overripe age of 46 despite the fact that I’ll no longer have viable eggs?  The whole thought grosses me out.  If I end up bitter and childless I’ll adopt so I have offspring to transfer my bitterness to the way every other parent transfers their issues to their children.

Really really tired the past couple of weeks.  Just can’t seem to sleep well and when I do I wake up tired.  my doctor is only somewhat sympathetic and is suggesting hypnotherapy rather than begrudgingly prescribed drugs which I have to ration for important days where I REALLY need sleep…I mean, really?!  Really?!

Ok…off to see my poor, long suffering trainer who I think doesn’t want me in his ’stats’ because I’m making his trend line point the wrong way.  Blah blah blah…another day in paradise!

Will update later this week on my sister’s status post surgery and also my blood results.

Six months since diagnosis.  Probably 2 years since becoming symptomatic.  Time flies…!

Need to keep moving forward

I’m working from home today.  Or trying to.  The weather is grey and so is my mood.  I don’t really give a flying fick about my looming deadlines.  It’s just occurred to me that I’ve forgotten (again) to take my neomercazole so I’ll do that now.  Still on 2 x 5mg per day.  I’ve got a little bit of pain in my hands and I can feel the racing pulse in my carotid as I sit here, which might be real or might be psychosomatic at this point.  I can’t really tell anymore.  I’m due for a blood test towards the end of next week and this time the focus will be on those pesky little antibodies.  Hopefully, they are being kept at bay.

Despite my new found energy (today doesn’t count) and my exercise regimen and watching my nutrition, I haven’t lost any weight at all.  I feel like a big lumpy lump.  My arms and thighs are especially fleshy which I guess is because these are large muscles that have lost the most tone.  I’m the Pillsbury Dough Girl.  I also feel excessively hormonal…bloated, twingy pain, CRANKY.  Lucky I am able to avoid other humans when I have to.

Now I know things aren’t has bad for me as for many other people (especially people close to me) but I have to let the self pity and whining out here…no one wants to see that or hear that in the real (non cyber) world.  I would open a bottle of wine for myself if the neomercazole hadn’t taken away that pleasure ( I feel ‘off’ long before I feel drunk).  People tell me to meditate but I have tried a millions times and I CANNOT.  It just makes me more, not less stressed because my mind doesn’t work that way.  I tried anti-depressants for a while but they gave me excruciating headaches.  I’d love to be one of those super laid back, take it as it comes types…but then I wouldn’t fit the Graves profile.

I suppose Graves is a journey of up and down days.  This is one of the down days.  I can’t really share how I’m feeling with anyone at the moment…my family has got bigger problems right now!  And I’ve deliberately kept my condition a secret from my new workplace…don’t want to be (again) the ‘new girl with the issues’.

Ho bloody hum, right?
Ok…back to the real world.

The thrill of lawn maintenance

Not something that would normally float my boat but…

If you’ve read some previous posts then you know that this Graves ‘thingy’ has badly affected my muscle strength.  I’m two weeks in to a supervised training programme including weights training and while it’s early days, I’m remembering how good it is to feel fit and strong and looking forward to achieving some goals.

Yesterday I decided to re-attempt trimming the lawn.  The last time, I could barely lift the machine thingy…but this time managed to give the lawn a nice little hair cut, all within about ten minutes (it’s only a small patch) and without once having to stop in agony.  Afterwards, I went for a forty minute hike to and from the supermarket, carrying two heavy-ish bags home with me, up and down hills etc.  Ordinarily I would drive 2 minutes to get a litre of milk!  Now, my arms are a little sore today, but in that “I feel like I did something good” kind of way.  And last night I slept like a baby sans any kind of chemical aid…something I almost never do especially on a Sunday night.

I have been a little bad this week in terms of regularly taking my neomercazole.  I guess this is the danger in feeling better…without being overly symptomatic its easy to forget those two little pills every morning.  As I understand it, neomercazole (carbimazole) has a fairly long ‘hanging around time’ in the body so hopefully the odd inadvertant day off schedule is no big disaster?

Sticking to a fairly strict nutritional plan most of the time (more protein, less carbs, eat more often) but no apparent weight loss yet.   If things don’t start to shift soon I guess I may have to redefine what most of the time means, to all of the time (and even when I’m not ‘on plan’ I’m quite cautious).  The seasons are changing and nothing fits so hopefully I’ll start to see some improvement before I have to go buy a whole new wardrobe!  I love shopping but it’s not that satisfying when you have to keep going up sizes!

Back in the land of the living

Have just finished a week at my new job. And who would have thought it? Everyone has been really nice, really welcoming. No ‘issues’ or ‘attitude’ like the people at my last job. I’m ‘in training’ so haven’t yet been placed under pressure but so far, so good. In fact, in some respects, it feels like they are trying to impress me. Nothing seems too much trouble for them, they’re keen to be social, people laugh in the office etc. My boss is very ‘naughty’ and un-PC (which I appreciate) and his team all seem to have genuine affection for each other. I’m really pleased I accepted the role and looking forward to getting into some ‘real’ work and becoming part of the fabric of the workplace. It feels good.

I’ve not had too many Graves symptoms either this week. A few heart flips perhaps. I was remembering how my left hand used to be in an arthritic type pain almost constantly… that seems to have diminished to almost nothing. I’m sleeping pretty well…even my kitteh was up before me this morning (she’s an odd’un in that she doesn’t wake me and likes to sleep in until 11ish most days). I feel like my mind is more clear and I’m able to just…get stuff done. But…I’ve been really bad at managing my eating and haven’t done any significant exercise at all. Ah well…I’ve made an appointment with a trainer for Monday and told her I need help ‘getting strong’. I wore a mid sized heel this week…first time in ages…and I spent most of the day being completely paranoid because I don’t feel like my knees are being supported by my muscles and I’m terrified of injury. Once I start with weights I should regain some confidence I hope! She’s going to monitor my diet as well. I definitely need someone to help me find motivation as I don’t think I can use Graves much longer as the excuse (feeling too ‘normal’ for that to be true!). A male friend has challenged me to get healthy and lose weight before Christmas (and of course, for men, everything has to be competitive). As I remember it, there’s nothing in the rules that says I can’t hire help! And there’s a $150 voucher at the end of this that I want to win (even though I realise I’m going to spend a LOT more than that on the process but thats not the point…).

This week I learned I’ve been nominated for some industry awards based on some past projects…very cool! I’m not taking it too seriously but it will be fun to dress up for the dinner when they announce the winners later this year. It’s interesting…I did the work in the period when I was suffering the worst symptoms of Graves, although at the time I didn’t know that was what I was experiencing. Here’s hoping that now things are under control, I still have those little flashes of creative genius!